He makes me feel like I have 5 personalities cuz I end up turning into someone I’m usually not.
Which works out for people who want to get slapped around and degraded… but that’s a lot of work, too. 😆
I’ll be soft again after a nap.
I shouldn’t have to pull teeth to get a make out session. It’s okay to accept that he doesn’t really like me and I don’t want to waste any more of my time or his. I also don’t want to work 10 times as hard to make 10 times less money. I don’t want to get any more radical because of him. I can’t even get a 2 minute b/g video, a 30 second handjob video or a 30 second blowjob video. This is bullshit. No one wants to buy a video of me sucking on a soft, limp, small cock. It’s so stressful I’m not even horny when I really need to be.
It just doesn’t make any sense for me to be with him.
It also feels like he doesn’t really want to be with me either and I have to accept that.
Take care. You’re definitely one of those people that gets off on attention and energy (even if it’s negative) and I sincerely can’t afford it or want it anymore.
No breakfast in bed, no dates, no anniversaries, no gifts, no sex, no foreplay, no birthdays, no flowers, no shopping or vacations or allowance. There’s literally nothing going on between us. Like what the fuck is wrong with you? Not even cuddles or making out. Just you constantly draining me of time, money and resources and it ends up hurting me more than you could ever imagine. Not that you care. I’m the only one who has a job and you’re still acting like I do nothing when I pay for everything and you can’t even be a man and have a boner. Which is on YOU for ruining your own brain with porn, nicotine and 3 energy drinks a day. I don’t need you or your aggressive, pathetic behavior and dialogue. I literally can’t stand you anymore. We fight every single day. I don’t want it anymore. Drink some goddamn water and take walks like a normal person.
I don’t know why I bothered and I don’t want to be taken advantage of anymore. I helped you out a lot cuz I cared and felt bad for you. But I’ve spent more than what’s reasonable and you’re still picking fights and making my life harder. There’s no point and I don’t want to write essays into the void anymore or feel the need to. My life should be easier. You make it seem like your life would be easier without me everyday. So enjoy that.
I’m gonna take a nap and reset to my normal cheerful self. I have another roleplay video to make. I’ll brainstorm dialogue for degrading and humiliating content since a lot of people are asking for that.
I overpaid him to organize my clothes while I work and he couldn’t handle that. He did some construction work. But we also fought every day and I don’t know why. I need a different kind of person. 😅
I need someone who can play with my boobs for 30 seconds on camera. Doesn’t have to show face. Maybe a minute of you running your hands up and down my body. Send clothed no face or half face pics. Thank you!
(Please don’t bother messaging if you’ve never made a purchase. It’s not fair to the people who have been supporting me over the years.)
I told this idiot I need the living room clear to film things and he fills it with most of the storage containers, making more work for me. I can’t stand him anymore.
If he’s not picking fights with me in real life he’s picking fights with strangers online instead. Wasting time that could have been used to help me make enough to finally get a house.
I have no idea what’s wrong with him but I don’t want it anymore. I asked for 10 minutes of cuddles and he started negotiating with me telling me he’s willing to give me 5 and I didn’t even get 1 before he started running his mouth again.
Ugh, just get out of here.
Disgusting Cigarette smoking loser
You take in so much caffeine, porn and nicotine that your dick stopped working and you’re gonna treat me like trash? Get you and your little, Limp dick out of my life. Loser. Little loser. 🤓
Sometimes; we just gotta ride things out. 🌊 Inspiration for writing. He’s just slow (so am I) and it’s okay to be incompatible. He’s gotta focus on school and not everyone can perform on camera. Everyone’s working through things.
I want to let go and be carefree.
Focusing on me and my passions.
I don’t write about the positives enough but they have been there. Grateful for the help I have gotten. I ate and took a little breathing session.
(Unless you’ve been cheap, then 6’6 and below is better) 🐥
Poll for curiosity and research purposes.
Moving some more stuff into new apartment and then putting on make up and cute outfit to make content. 🎀
I feel a lot better after shutting my lover out. Idk what’s going on with him but I don’t want it anymore. Making me have 2 minutes of content a year is not something I can afford to deal with anymore. I need people who actually want to be here, want to support me, want to make sure I succeed and life a happy, healthy, fun life. ☺️
I sent 50 grand to the contractors to renovate this place a couple years ago. (in installments-most of my savings) They had been waiting for me to empty this place out so they can do their job. I wasn’t in the best spot mentally and couldn’t handle it myself on top of work. It was my responsibility and I shouldn’t have relied on him even if I did pay him to do it. Just like I paid him to assemble the tv stand he couldn’t finish either. I was caught in this weird mental loop where I needed to see him do it since I paid him too. He ended up not being able to do it and I feel silly for paying him for a job we ended up doing.
I can’t repeat how relieved I feel that it’s finally almost all empty so that we can start. I’m so thankful for my father for stepping up and doing a great job. Chad spent maybe 20 hours total helping over the years but never finished the job and I finally had enough today. To be fair I had a lot of stuff and I am messy. I needed help and he just wouldn’t help me enough. I will never understand and I don’t care to. I need to downsize about half my stuff or buy an affordable acre somewhere with a barn for storage. I’m paying double rent rn until it’s renovated.
I’m so ready to stop looking at this popcorn ceiling and orange floor that makes me want to dai ;-;
I couldn’t even think looking at it all! There’s also holes and marks on the walls that I’d love to learn how to completely redo so it looks new. The renovation construction covers 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, the living room, dining room and kitchen.
My mother or father is likely going to retire here. I want to make sure it’s a comfortable place for either of them. My mental health was so not in a good place here. It’s a much older building and it needs a lot of work. I’m working hard and saving so maybe I can have a home, too. This belongs to my parents. I’m happy I can help with the mortgage and renovations.
Before renovation photos of some of it and an almost finished after bathroom photo. Still need to order the tile for shower floor.
